Thursday, August 5, 2010

On Fear: A Follow Up

Last weekend I was a fear conquerer.

Wednesday afternoon I bit the bullet and booked my return to Bikram. Friday came, and it went something like this:
  • Nervous all day.
  • Running behind due to lack of appropriate shorts and subconscious fear of going.
  • Husband drives me since I am behind, but needlessly pushes me about being scared and upsets me.
  • Arrive.
  • I am greeted by two very nice and adorable yogis.
  • I tell them of my last bad experience and that I fear people being mean to me if I dry heave.
  • They assure me that they are not like the last place I went to.
  • I go put my stuff down.
  • I choose to celebrate how far I've come and do class in the standard sports bra and shorts.
  • I enter the room.
  • "Ok, this is a familiar smell (peace and sweat and carpet and tranquility)"
  • "Ok, this is a familiar heat, is it even hotter now? No, this is the same...ok..good..good..."
  • I find a place in the back (typical newbie courtesy)
  • No one throws up by looking at me in a sports bra and shorts...of course they didn't.
  • I lay on my back and "arrive" in the room and adjust to the heat.
  • "I will not push myself too hard, I will just do the best I can."
  • Class begins.
  • Teacher says, "If this is your first time or first time in a while, just do the best you can. Your only job is to be in this room." Much better experience already.
  • Standing serious (first half of class) going well...
  • Backwads in Half Moon.."don't push'll get dizzy..take it easy...and I'm good."
  • Standing Separate Leg Stretching Pose followed by Triangle Pose..."woah, little rush to the head....breathe..breathe...and I'm good."
  • "Is it cooling down in here?"
  • Floor series going well..
  • "Here comes Camel, I've never been good at this one, I get so dizzy, I am sure to barf or faint.......and I'm good.
  • We head into the final posture.
  • Class ends.
  • I am a warrior! A warrior who bent and stretched in front of others in just a sports bra and shorts!
  • I bid the adorable yogis farewell.
  • Mr. BB30 picks me up and apologizes for being mean to me and was only pushing because he belives in me.
I had obligations and much to do on Saturday (more on that below) and had the final day of shooting the indie film (10am-6pm youch) on Sunday, but I wet back on Monday. Still good. I was planning to go last night, but work got in the way (it always enrages me when my day job interferes with my life, especially my health), so I had to cancel, but I got a spot for a class tonight, in fact, I gotta go!

So far so good!

I also conquered another fear. The first official walk on a beach in my bikini. Holy Crap. It was a gorgeous afternoon. My friend's birthday bash home base was positioned away from the water. After a while Mr.BB30 and I walked down to the lake and I took "the walk." No one was blinded, no 12 year old boys barked mean whale taunts at me, no one even batted an eye lash. Mind you, the party goers were far away, so I haven't quite conquered the fear of being live and in person in front of my friends whilst sporting a bikini, but I am ok with baby steps. We got in a few commemerative pictures before my camera died.

I need a tan. Like the creepy pageant child said on Kathy Griffin, "If you can't tone it, tan it." Disturbingly hilarious!


  1. I knew you could do the yoga. i'm glad it was a good experience. and look at you at the lake! You're so beautiful! I want to see you movie when it comes out. will you let me know?

  2. a) good for you for conquering hot yoga fears! that is awesome!

    b) you continue to look absolutely fab! look at your toned legs!

  3. OMG I'm so proud of you! You are a GODDESS of fearlessness!

  4. Thanks y'all! I was so nervous! How lame! I am so glad I got these two big fears crossed off the list. It is definitely empowering!!!

  5. LMAO @ the kiddie quote, that was one funny episode.

    And you look great!!!! I need a tan as well, I am so icky pale right now.

    I love the timeline and thoughts on the yoga, glad you had a great class!!