Frown

So yesterday I boarded my scale after not checking for a couple of weeks, and it was a bit scary. I've gained some weight. There, I said it. It was hard to see, and I can maybe attribute a pound or two to muscle I'm gaining from Bikram (Ten classes so far-woohoo!), but I think really I've just been having too many calories. Even healthy foods can plump you up if you're not careful-I think I've been having too many nuts for snacks at work. I also need to lay off the wine and other cocktails and the chocolate chips. Although I am not downing any of these in crazy excess, they aren't calorie free. I had intended to skip Bikram yesterday, but after the news I promptly booked an afternoon class and headed to the grocery store to get salad fixins and lots of veggies for the week. I went to class and sweated out my toxins then went home and had some very lightly sauteed brocoli, carrots, onions, celery, basil and sage (from my very own garden)and tofu with a big ice berg and spinach salad full of daikon, tomatoes (from my very own garden) and cucumbers. I also had a slice of toasted soy flour bread rubbed with a garlic clove. I feel cleaner. I packed a big salad for lunch today at my day job along with an apple and a cucumber/tomato salad for snacks. The key is not necessarily eating less, just making better choices.

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It's hard not to feel sorry for myself at a time like this and think, "It's no fair that I can't eat like a normal person without gaining weight! How can I come so far only to start destroying it? How can people complement me on my arms and say I've look like I've lost weight the day before, but the scale report crazy numbers? Wahhh it's not fair!" The answer is: Nope, it's not fair. It is not fair that I've had to struggle for so long, even when I've slimmed down so much. It's simply an issue I have to deal with. Some people have drug problems, some people have spending/money problems, I have food/weight problems. No sense in stressing out over this (even though it's hard, and I am admittedly shaken up). I know how to get back on track, and I will do just that. Lots of clean food this week and making sure to move daily. Wednesday my husband and I start rehearsals together for a show (hooray for getting to see each other) and the rehearsal space is a nice 1.5 mile walk each way, so we plan to take advantage of that.

I feel like it's important to share this little stumble, because this is a life long journey full of ups and downs. It happens to all of us.